I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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