I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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