My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
