drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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