she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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