And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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