I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
