Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
