I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Holy sore nipples Batman
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
