ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
