I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
