The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
