Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
