so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
