I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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