Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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