In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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