my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
