I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize