Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
