This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
