just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
