What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
