i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
