I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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