foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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