in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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