my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
