this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
