not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
