I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
