I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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