there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
