I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Im part way to drunk.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
