i may or may not be watching the land before time
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
