What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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