I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My breasts were aching with rage.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
