Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
