I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
