feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
