Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
