She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
