How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
