I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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