I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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