I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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