wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
