Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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