just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
