I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
