Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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