she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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