i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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