Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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