I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
