If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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