I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
