Having a random hookup so left but love u
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
