I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
