I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
