Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
