BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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