remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
